I called the nurse’s desk and asked to be rung into my grandmother’s room, hoping my mom or aunt might be there to give me an update. I had been going to her hospital room every day after work to rub lotion on her hands and feet and just be with her. She was my Nana. The woman who took me to school most days. The woman who taught me to cook. The woman who bought me books and believed in my dreams.
The nurse was about to transfer me to the room number I had memorized. Only this time, the response wasn’t, “I’ll put you through.” With the voice of a teacher correcting a child, she said. “There’s no one in that room.” Knowing she was wrong, my shoulders stiffened as I began to correct her. We both stopped short when a nurse in the background chimed in to share the news.
The nurse on the line became apologetic and tripped over her words. Slowly, understanding flowed over me. As calmly and directly as I could, I asked the question.
“Is she gone?”
She was.
I thought I had been prepared for that moment. I had always known my grandmother was sick, but it wasn’t until I was older that I knew it was with Type II Diabetes. I watched her slowly die for most of my life.
Nana loved to eat. She loved her sweets. Even when she was laying sick in bed, a collection of prescription bottles on her night stand, she always tried to sneak a sweet. When we were kids, she’d call to us as we walked down the hallway. “Pssst! Mija… just a little piece, pleeeease!!” Every now and then, I’d give her a little chocolate square and she’d snap at me in gratitude: “Don’t tell your mom!”
Years later, when I was a young, single mom, my mother, grandmother and I lived together again for a few years. That was when Nana’s health took a turn for the worse. My mom and I became her caregivers, going back and forth to and from the kitchen to her bedside with prepared meals and prescriptions. I did some research before she started her dialysis. Dialysis, if you don’t know, is a process for removing waste and excess water from the blood, and is used primarily to provide an artificial replacement for lost kidney function in people with renal failure. Renal failure is something that often happens at the end of a diabetics’ life, and it is not pretty. I knew about the possible fits and hallucinations after starting dialysis. My mom, never being a fan of research, didn’t realize that, so when Nana’s fits and screaming started, I had to calm them both down. My mom was so shaken. It was hard to see that. Harder than hearing the nasty words spewing from my grandmother or holding down her flailing arms — the same arms that had once held me closely and securely, that now wanted to hurt me.
Things got better as far as the fits were concerned, but not as far as my Nana’s health.
After several years, my grandmother moved to a home that was close to my aunt who was a stay-at-home-mom and had more flexibility to help take care of her. Sometimes when I called, my aunt would give me an update. More problems. More doctor visits. More pills. When she required round-the-clock care, we moved her into a nearby assisted-living home. I’d often visit with my older girls, sitting with Nana in front of the TV that she couldn’t really see, catching up on life. The nurses would try not to interrupt as they put pills in her mouth and patches all over her body. It was hard not to cry seeing all the things that were necessary to keep my Nana alive.
By the time my grandmother had her heart attack on the dialysis machine, her body had long been ravaged by Diabetes. Every time I saw her, she was weaker, blinder, and more helpless than the time before. Only a shadow of the robust woman I had run to for hugs. She was only 74 when she entered the hospital for the last time. She wasn’t able to talk to us because of the breathing tube sticking down her mouth. Her wrists had been tied to her bed rails, near enough to move, but not enough slack to grab the tube she kept trying to take out. The frustration came through as tears in her eyes. All I could do was stroke her hair back to comfort her, telling her I loved her and that it was okay to rest now.
I loved my grandmother more than my own parents. Everyone knew that. Even my mom. No one knows how much I still miss her, more than ten years after her death. I think of her almost every day. At first, those thoughts were angry. She had the ability to stay healthy and yet she chose to continue living and eating in a way that helped the effects of diabetes take her away from me. I wondered why she didn’t love me enough to stay healthy. I know that sounds selfish, but those were my thoughts. Eventually, I thought of all the things she never got to do and made it a point to try to live the little girl dreams that she had nurtured in me.
And eventually, I forgave her for not eating better and not taking better care of her body.
There’s a lot of talk about Paula Deen and her food show and not revealing her diagnosis of diabetes sooner. Paula Deen has always scared me. I like to enjoy a rich meal or pastry, but not every day and every meal. Her show seemed to glorify eating the fried butter way for every meal. I never could understand the frenzied fangirl love that some of my friends had for Ms. Deen.
Now, I know this is going to piss some of you off, but from my perspective, after watching my Nana die the slow painful death that can come with diabetes, Paula Deen not being honest about her disease while continuing to push the kind of foods that cause more people in America than ever before to be diagnosed with diabetes is equal to a porn star that has a life-threatening sexual disease and continues to promote unsafe sex. Personal gratification over the thought that others might get caught up in your lifestyle and, ultimately, your disease is so incredibly selfish and greedy! I don’t even know how anyone can defend this woman.
And now she’s going to shill for a pharmaceutical company?
Dear God, does this woman have no shame?
I hate that Paula Deen knew for so long and did nothing to change how she impacted the lifestyles of the people who were creating her wealth by following her recipes, watching her shows, buying her sponsors’ products, and on and on. It is the height of irresponsibility to continue publicizing behaviors that caused her diagnosis without giving any kind of warning that maybe eating like this every day is a really bad idea. She could have told people what happened to her way back and changed things up a bit in her show. Working with a dietician on some recipes would have been the least she could have done. But maybe she’d offend the Butter Council or something? So rather than piss off a sponsor and losing money, she’ll just keep feeding millions of fans her deadly diet?
Paula Deen had a responsibility to tell her fans what her food did to her health. Period. But she didn’t. She still hasn’t! She just drawls out a little, “Oh hey… I’m gonna stop drinking sweet tea and I’m gonna take these here pills.”
I feel like I’M taking pills – CRAZY PILLS!
Anthony Bourdain was right. She is the most dangerous woman on television. And I wonder, how many daughters and granddaughters will go to their grandmother or mother’s hospital room one day and find an empty bed because they didn’t stop eating the way Paula taught them to cook.
*Type II Diabetes is not a death sentence. There are many lifestyle changes that people can make to live a long and healthy life. Number one is diet. If you are overweight, you coud be at risk. Talk to your doctor. Meet with a nutritionist. Do what you need to do to stay healthy, if not for yourself, for the people in your life.
I’m so sorry about your Nana…
I agree with you 150% about Paula Deen. I cannot condone this sort of ‘lie’ from a person in such a spotlight. I was sickened too when I learned that she would be joining forces with a pharmaceutical company instead of re-vamping her entire cooking ‘ethics.’
Sadly, this is what America considers ‘normal’ but I don’t get it… :/
Vanessa
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While I do agree that it’s greedy and shameless for Paula Deen to be playing on both sides of the fence, so to speak, she has always been the first person to clarify that even she never ate foods like that 3 meals a day, 7 days a week. I also don’t think she ever came out on a show, in a cookbook or anywhere else and said that people needed to eat fatty, fried foods all day every day. In fact she said the opposite.
Just because I watch her show and even have one of her cookbooks, it doesn’t mean I have to cook my way through it and eat it all nonstop. And if I ended up with diabetes it’s no one’s fault but my own. If you have a TV and can watch Paula, you can also watch Dr. Oz and hear the other side of the story.
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GREAT, great post, Sugar. So heartfelt and I’m sorry about your Nana.
I have so many thoughts and opinions on this Paula debacle.
On the one hand, I have never really been a fan. Her cooking was never going to be for me or my family. I prefer to eat (fairly) healthy and I could see with my own little eyeballs and deduce with my own little head that her show was about very unhealthy comfort food.
On the other hand, why can’t other people see that? Why is blame put on Paula for other’s lack of judgement? It’s kind of like the whole let’s sue McDonald’s for making me fat. It’s like a giant handslap to the forehead, DUH! UNHEALTHY FOODS MAKES YOU FAT AND UNHEALTYHY. Gobs of butter and buttermilk and creams and sugars are not wise choices. We. Should. Know. This. But I think it’s human nature to look to blame someone else for our poor decisions.
And then back to the other hand, you’re so RIGHT that it was her responsibility to divulge her diabetes. Once she was catapulted into this spotlight, it becomes responsibility….
Ugh. Bottom line in my opinion is we are all responsible for our choices, whether prompted by others or not.
Now I’m all hot and bothered, Shoog. Get me a drink. I’m arguing with myself in your comments.
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preach it Surfer Wife – totally agree! She has responsibility to share – but it’s nobody’s fault but your own if you eat a bunch of unhealthy food!
Oh, what perspective you gave this media rich (and I mean this sarcastically) we live in!
The fist thing I tweeted when I saw the news online was “blame the butter.” Of course, my other idol, Julia Child, abused the use of butter and I didn’t mind that so much since we didn’t know exaclty how to eat healthy back then.
I also think the network honchos should be more responsible. They likely knew about her diabetic condition and advised her to wait until she became a household name — and made them all a little richer.
I hope they ate her rich food too. (Sorry if this sounds a little mean, but I’m tired of being manipulated by TV!)
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PS The photo of Paula Deean you posted in here creeps me out!
Suzette recently posted..Teenagers Say “I Love You” With Two Little Words: Username and Password.
First, I am so sorry about your grandma. I can feel the pain through your words and it makes my heart ache.
Second, thank you for saying what you did. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve had Type I (juvenile) diabetes since I was nine years old. As you probably know, it’s an autoimmune disease that I could do nothing to prevent. I was a regular, slightly UNDERweight nine year old kid that was active, ate clean thanks to my mom’s granola-ish ways and just had something wrong with me (that resulted in lots more AI diseases like lupus).
Type II wasn’t really around much when I was a kid. It wasn’t until I got older and everyone kept getting unhealthier that it began to crop up… everywhere. I get so angry when someone I know is told they’re “pre-diabetic” and then they’ll continue on with their unhealthy lifestyle way. What I wouldn’t have given to have had an opportunity to prevent my disease. There’s no way to do that, but to see someone do nothing to prevent what I know is coming is maddening.
I don’t allow it to rule my life, but what I’ve gone through over the past 22 years and will continue to go through every day is nothing I’d wish on anyone.
I’m going to stop. I also agree with Monique. When are people going to take some damn responsibility for themselves?
Great post. Thanks for sharing.
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I could not agree more! Just so irresponsible.
Very sorry about your Nana, she sounded like an awesome woman. My Gramma passed 3 years ago much too soon too. Memories are wonderful, but I wish we all had more time on Earth with our grandparents. Paula Deen has grandkids right? Hopefully she gives up a little more than sweet tea…..
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Thank you so much for sharing and for your honest opinions. I’ve been thinking about all your responses all day.
I totally get the personal responsibility. Believe me… I’m a huge proponent of taking ownership of your mistakes. What I worry about is when someone with so much influence continues to move in a direction that leads those that he/she is influencing without thinking of the responsibility they have to tell the truth.
We hold our athletes, politicians, and preachers to higher standards because of the pedastals we’ve all put them on. I know that they are all only human and are going to make mistakes, but when a person decides to be ON that pedestal, to accept the fortune and fame, they should accept that many people are going to do whatever they say. That’s why she has sponsors and a TV show, right? Yes, people can choose to eat or not eat her meals, but think about all the people that have issues with food and health that she should have shared her illness with. And how we’ve normalized an unhealthy way of living and eating.
Boiling it down to basics, my issue with Paula Deen is that she hid her diagnosis for three years. She essentially lied to her fans to keep making money. Even if it was the studio execs pressuring her, ultimately, it was her choice to remain silent.
“To whom much is given, much will be expected.”
I wish you could have your Nana here for one more day… the Nana who clearly loved you so much. Missing our loved ones is hard when it seems the choices they made were responsible for their being gone.
My mom has Type ll Diabetes and it makes me angry that she will make bad eating choices knowingly…. but then I also understand it is like a disease, dare I say…. like drug abuse. There is a local nonprofit that my friend works for @skinnygene and their mission about education and prevention is probably the best way to tackle this disease. If we start with kids we know it will work…. look at smoking and how many kids make their parents quit. Apparently kids are way more influential than we give them credit for.
And when you write something that is heartfelt… don’t worry about us minions getting pissed off. We’re all entitled to think afterall.
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Twitter: positively_kids
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So sorry about your Nana, Sugar. I had a similar relationship with my grandpa, and was devastated when he passed away. I love how you were able to swing it around and talk about Paula Deen and her bad choices with what she did. While I do agree with the philosophy of it being our choice what we eat, and we can choose to be healthy or choose to eat badly. I also think that we can sometimes we can get mesmorized when we see things on TV. And if all she is showing is the joy and fun of all of this unhealthy eating, then that is all people will see, they may not even know any better. She could really use her popularity and make it for good. Gotta run–kiddos are tugging on me-rest time is over. But anyway you get the jist of what I am saying !
Kudos to you Sugar
Wow, Lovey…I’m so sorry your Nana had to fight that battle, and you had to witness the dark sides of her sickness. I cried reading your story.
Diabetes has stolen from me, as well. My great-grandma lost the battle when I was 11…she was in the hospital after breaking her hips, and had gone severely low. The nurse brought her some orange juice, but neglected to put it within her reach, before rushing off, not returning until the alarms had sounded. It was too late.
But, diabetes doesn’t just take the elderly…my cousin got the flu, not long after her diagnosis, and went into a diabetic coma, before passing away, just near her 18th birthday.
I also watched my step-mother battle with Diabetes (started as gestational diabetes), as I was growing up…she would constantly eat sweets, and drank alcohol regularly…still does, from what I hear, and I am glad I no longer have to bear witness to her blatant disregard for her own health.
I battled gestational diabetes with both kids. And let me tell you, it is VERY hard to avoid sugar. It’s everywhere. You have to watch your carbs and eat a very balanced meal. It’s almost impossible to eat anywhere but home.
I used to get mad at my grandma for sneaking sweets and not eating better. And then I had it and now I know how much willpower it takes to stick to your diet. I failed way too many times, but I tried really hard, knowing it would affect my kids.
I also know that I am at much higher risk now to develop Type II, so I am trying to make sure I keep my weight down. I also watched my grandmother get sicker and sicker… and I do not want my children to go through the same thing someday.
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Diabetes is the most common disease arising in the elders. To cope up several precautions to be taken so that it does not affect more to your health. A healthy food and sugar fee can prevent from this heavier disease.