Sunday mornings, I listen to a radio program called The Jesus Show. It’s half Dr. Laura, half theology class. Neil Savedra takes calls and answers them as if he were Jesus. A lot of people bristle at this, which is why I always tell them to listen first.
Last Sunday morning, he took a call from a woman who has been single for eight years since her last divorce and was thinking about dating again. My ears perked up because, well… I want to date again, too!
In getting into the nitty gritty of her marital history, we found out that she’s been married and divorced four times, having kids with each of her four husbands. She sounded relatively intelligent and was very polite and gracious in answering all of the host’s questions. And once we heard a little more about the men she divorced, you could say, “Well, I would have left them all, too!” But there was a pattern and one common factor that could not be ignored. She chose each one of those men. The call ended with the only advice the Holy Host could give:
“Don’t get married any more. You’re not good at it.”
I’m not a good guy picker, either. Or at least I haven’t been. I meet someone that seems nice, and of course, they all are at first, right? I mean, if they weren’t, you wouldn’t go out to dinner with them. But when the red flags pop up, I don’t (or didn’t) say “Hmmm… later!” I used to justify bad behaviors.
I’m not doing that any more.
Red flags are like a fever. It’s a sign that something’s not right. Ignore it and it’s only bound to get worse. Red flags are “Do Not Enter” signs. Even “Proceed with Caution” signs should be enough, right? After being in a dysfunctional marriage for ten years, and spending the last four of those years getting healthier… trying to salvage the scraps… keeping my family together with band-aids… I’m pretty aware of red flags and what I need to do to avoid another unhealthy situation.
Not that I’m in any hurry.
Anyway… I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m sure some troll witch with a bag of Doritos in one hand and a Diet Coke in the other will send me a nasty comment from her dark damp basement reminding me that I’m just barely getting divorced and that I shouldn’t even be thinking about dating. And I’ll be tempted to tell her pathetic ass to go pound sand.
Ignoring the pathetic trolls, and sharing my most intimate thoughts anyway (because I’m bat ess crazy like that), I’ve decided to add this to my one remaining blank spot on my vision board… just so I know what to look for… someday:
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on… one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. The one who turns to his friends and says,