There’s a lot of talk about Return On Relationships. Expectations that if a company or brand or person is nice/charming/complimentary enough, that the receiving party of these compliments and charm will be loyal to the company/brand/person.
Enough already.
What about relating for the sake of relating? For no other purpose than to be a friend? To share life’s amazing moments? What about being a compassionate listener without expecting a purchase/referral/follow?
What about socializing for the sake of socializing?
Social media has created beautiful tribes of people that can lift each other during devastating times like the loss of children, divorce, illness… and during times of celebration like weddings, book releases, and the birth of new life. Through our blogs, tweets, twitpics, flickr albums, facebook posts we all learn a bit more about each other. We see each other’s human frailties, grace under pressure, and immeasurable joy. Every time a member of our community shares and we read/watch/listen to their words and thoughts, they add to the mosaic that is our life experience.
But I’m not oblivious to reality.
I understand that we all need to pay our bills and I’m thankful that social media has created opportunities for many of us to continue following our dreams while paying some of those bills. In fact, if you follow me on Twitter, you know that I’m an active promoter of companies and friends’ businesses on-line. Sometimes for pay. Sometimes for trade. Sometimes as a favor.
Never with any expectation that followers will feel obligated to purchase anything just because I was nice to them once or twice.
There are some people out there that relate with us. We know they work for a company. Some of them never ask us to do anything. They just hang out and share. When we need an answer to a question, they throw up a link. When we need a laugh, they toss out a great one-liner. The good ones know the right balance of joining the conversation without being all shouty. I’m not so naive that I don’t think they are hoping for a return on their interactions, but the good ones aren’t… what’s the word…
It’s hard to explain, but when you get ROR’d, you feel it.
And it doesn’t feel good.
Relationships are not currency to be cashed in like chips at a casino at the end of a weekend in Vegas. They are gifts from real people… gifts to be treasured. Comparing a relationship to money only cheapens the relationship, tarnishing any cherished memories, leaving the leveraged soul wondering if there was ever any authenticity in the relationship in the first place.
So let’s be friends. Friends with no expectations other than to add to the mosaic of memories. Memories of the good times that we shared without waiting for any return but a smile.
You make such a wonderful point! I think we all can feel it when we are ROR’d and it’s awkward! I love that social media enriches the journeys and days that we’re on this earth. Being able to share thoughts and feeling and make friendships with people you might not otherwise have the opportunity to meet.
Lua recently posted..Sleeping my life away…
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Thanks, lady. Sadly, I predict “ROR’d” will soon replace “Punk’d” in our vernacular.
“ROR’d” Made me El Oh El…
Well said friend.
Kelly recently posted..DIY- Stealing Jess’ Ideas…The Table
Like.
(and that’s all I’m going to say, because I’ve been hurt recently by this)
Natalie recently posted..Its a Countryfest
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Me, too, sister. Me, too.
This was all recently explained to me from a biblical standpoint, and I know you’re a Christian and a very spiritual person so it’s very cool that this all comes together. In the Torah it’s referred to as ‘Loving Kindness’ – doing for someone with no expectation of return. Abraham and Sarah both did this. They helped and did for others with no expectation of return. But what happened? They were given the greatest gift of all, a son. (we’ll just overlook that whole part where he’s 99 years old)
Now, every tweet, facebook post, twitpic, RT and @ are given value. It’s as if there is some tangible measure of what each of these is worth rather than what they really are – people just doing what they do best.
True relationships have no value, they’re priceless!
Sara at Saving For Someday recently posted..Helping Others Tikkun Olam
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
They are most definitely priceless. Thanks, Sara.
Ugh. That is NOT at all why I’m on Twitter or Facebook. I’m sorry that you all have been burned recently by something like that. And it’s probably only a matter of time before more of us are. That kinda sucks.
becky recently posted..He knows something8217s up
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
It’s not just about someone being burned, though. It’s just getting crazy how it’s all about a sale… a monetary transaction… not just about relating. It’s like being at a networking event. There are those that show up, share what they do, have lunch, chat, and go home. Then, there are those that shove their card at you and tell you how you why you need to buy what they’re selling. And before you can even put their card in your pocket, their eyes are looking over your shoulder at the next mark.
Here’s hoping you don’t get burned.
A wonderful reminder of what living a fulfilling life is all about. Can’t say it any better than what you wrote. Thank you!
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Thanks, Marty. Glad you stopped by!
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
I loved this post!
I recently got ROR’d and it left a bad taste in my mouth.
Thanks for reminding us all what blogging is really all about: making connections, reaching out, helping one another, and having a good laugh. At least, that’s what it is for me.
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Doesn’t feel good. Glad we can laugh about it, though.
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
RORing is one of the reasons I question all of this. Drives me nuts not being able to tell if someone has a hidden agenda behind their smile, comment, or tweet. A smile is a perfect ROR. And maybe a drink. : )
Mama Mary recently posted..last minute DIY costume ideas for halloween
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
I hear ya, Mary. I don’t like the agendas. But I will join you for that drink.
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
Okay, I totally get where you are coming from, but never had a name for it. Now I know: ROR’d. Yes. I’d say it’s an epidemic.
Kristen recently posted..bitter chocolate
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
ROR’d is the new Punk’d.
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
Agreed! It’s called *social* media for a reason. Unfortunately when people/companies try to manipulate it, the value of the trust and relationships often get watered down to numbers and ROR – negating the social values they’re trying to tap into!
I’m optimistic that the people (and companies) valuing others for the sake of connecting and establishing trusted “no expectation” relationships, are building powerful and priceless networks that will remain and flourish in whatever social medium – or IRL interactions – are yet to come. People/companies intent on using me are likely using others and missing out on the value of human relationships, which is a loss.
c2cmom recently posted..I Didn’t Find Technology It Found Me
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
I’m optimistic, too. There are so many that are doing it right. Some *think* they’re doing it right, but that just shows that they really don’t get it.
I’m having ROR burnout. I recall one incident from a few years ago when a mom that just started a local cleaning business emailed me to say “hi!” then asked me to look at her website. Then she asked me to call her to say “hi!” and give her feedback. Then she emailed me again and asked for some promotion ideas. Ideas I gladly and freely gave, and one of which she used.
She is now on Twitter and at social media events and never once acknowledged my presence or said “thanks.”
I was RORed up the butt.
I get it.
I’m so happy that more and more of use who get it are shedding light on this inauthentic and crappy trend.
San Diego Momma recently posted..Frills
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Dude… I think I know who you’re talking about!! That’s the good thing about all of this. The cheese will always be sniffed out. Maybe not at first, but eventually, it starts to stink up the place.
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
Great post!
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Thanks, Alison. Thanks for stopping by!
My issue is this: if all you want from me is ROR, please don’t blow smoke up my ass and make it seem that we’re friends. Be upfront. I’ll respect you *a lot* more.
Melanie recently posted..Sailing: Wordless Wednesday
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Very true, Melanie. If you’re looking to work together or need my help, frickin say so. Don’t be all, “Hey… nice shoes! Have you lost weight? I love that dress! BTW…” So gross.
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
I LOVE THIS. And that’s much of why I love you. No expectations. Just good vibes, good people, good times. SWAK. Keep on keeping on Sugar. xoxo
NotJustAnotherJen recently posted..whoohoo halloween is awesome
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Me love you long time, too, Hot Stuff! Let’s meet soon. Miss your HHH!!
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
dooooood. You put it into words so beautifully, without even so much as an “f” you…Which is what I wanted to say when I was ROR’d.
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Oh I had an “F You” in there. It was just “silent.”
Sugar Jones recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Stormbreak
So interesting (and disappointing) how some people conduct their business–both online and IRL. In the past I approached everyone with my tail wagging, can’t say I feel safe doing that anymore. Such a shame too, because at my core, I really am a tail-wagger.
JenniferfromLaJolla recently posted..Monday Motivation
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Definitely disappointing. You can still wag your tail at me, Lady.
I call this dynamic “in order to” – I’ll do something or interact with you “in order to” get you to do something for me. The innate problem with this is that it’s rooted in “doing” for each other (usery) rather than “being” with others (existing, sharing, creating from heart) – in the end, usery relationships usually blow up eventually when one of the parties stops “doing” and performing within the implied agreement. Great job talking about this. @unmarketing spends alot of time trying to make this point. And I realize, that it’s difficult when you want a results – but results through relationships require commitment of heart – if they’re meant to withstand the long term test.
Twitter: sugarjones
says:
Sandra:
Scott @Unmarketing Stratten is one of my favorite people, on-line and off, for that very reason. He’s a great example of being versus expecting. He’s also a great example of being a good human.
I love your “in order to” description. Well put. Thanks for sharing!!